Currently Listening Maximum Nickleback By Nickelback Hero see related

Greatness

It's funny how we get caught up in ourselves...we'll do anything for us to be happy, even when we know that what we're doing is wrong. So where am I going with this...good question. I don't know. I was thinking about how hard God's job is. He makes these decision with out thought. Yet they are decision made with all his love. Seriously think about it. He decides who lives or dies....wow. How do you make a choice like that.?--especially if he loves us all equally. Could you do that...make a choice without interference by your likes and dislikes? Could you decide what is for the greater good? Yeah sounds like a hard job that doesn't pay well...or at least not enough for all the trouble you would go through.

It's so hard to be the second. You know. Everyone feels this. Some by the overcast of a older brother or sister others by the hopes and dreams that parents have set for you. I know it's hard. It makes you feel small...when someone makes you second. The worst is when someone sets the bar too high...or makes you look like a jackass. That is why people hate being second. See in acting everybody wants the big rolls...why? Because that's who the people remember...know one wants the small rolls anymore. Why? See I figure the small rolls are just as important as the big ones. Now I'll admit that I'm not that great at being second...or little, but I do know that it is just as important. What do you remember about life...the small things. Or the people who made you who you are today. That little speech your coach gave you to raise your moral. Or the time your dad helped you up when you wrecked your bike for the first time with out training wheels. The little things are what builds you. It is what fills in the holes. Yeah I know it sounds corny, but you know it's true. My dad is a great man because he's willing to be little...I don't mean that literally ...lol, but I seriously he is. That is what a dad is. He was you at one time. Now he's doing what his dad did for him. Stepping aside for a new bread...stepping aside for a new future. That takes a lot of heart to do that. And when you reach the top who are you going to thank, most likely your parents, and some will thank the ones who encourage them...the ones who did the little things.

A lot of people think greatness comes from brute strength...maybe in some cases, but true greatness is won with dreams and the mind. God is not brute strength, he can be if he decides to flood the Earth or burn it…well that‘s what I heard he‘ll do if we mess up again, but his dreams are what created us. Our dreams is what makes us different and same at the same time. Dreams are also what leads us to greatness if we succeed. I have so many dreams...I want them all...maybe because I'm greedy, but I feel that they are so great that none should have to be sacrificed....it would be a waste. Even if I'm not great...or born to be great...I surround myself with greatness....typically not God...not a big fan...he’s...well he is God--the end. But my friends are so wonderful and unique. Scott is born for greatness like his family. His brothers are ridiculously smart and so is he...he just he hates school. And like said sometimes people set the bar to high. Sam is smart because she works...works so hard. Anything she does she puts time into. And her happiness kind of makes me happy since I don't really enjoy life. Russ on the other hand is awesome except people don't give him enough credit. I don't really believe in bad luck, but he has endless amounts of bad luck. It's like a part him...it never ends....Jamie she's a trooper...and evil. Her mind tricks work and always has a hidden agenda...I always watch my back around her. But that is why she is my friend instead of my enemy...because you can keep friends closer, opposed to when they're your enemy. And then there is Shane....he is like the male version of Jamie...and like a brother to me. Even though he might annoy me or slightly piss me off sometimes I still chill with him. He has his moments, but he's my brother and your suppose to hate them a little. But because of his character traits I feel like he can go anywhere he wants too. And hey even if I'm not meant for greatness I played my small roll, hopefully for the good and not the bad.

It’s so hard to be both. I know I few. I consider my father as one and my mom. They are both great and good at the same time. They care, but know when to back off. Both try to give me everything I want, I only wish one day I can do the same for them. It’s funny how I turned out. My parents are pretty humble, but me I could give a rats ass if your not my best friend or family….and sometimes that doesn’t matter. If God created us in his image, why did he chose this image for me…Any who kind of off topic. My original point was that when striving for greatness it’s hard to stay inside the lines. These lines are good and bad, you can try but 9 times out of 10 your going to color outside the lines. It seems that the more you try the more you color outside the lines…lol. And then there are those who color inside the lines. And just like a kid your envies of their skill….

Well just another thing to think about; keep it real.

Currently Listening Savin' Me By Nickelback Side of a Bulet see related

Small Things

"The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials"

Life is cruel and unfair, my friends, and that is fact."- Stephan Jenkins (Chicago, 10-22-97)

"Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful."

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."

”We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey” --Miyazawa Kenji

”What doesn't kill me makes me stronger” --Camus, Albert

Your probably wondering why I have these quotes of pain/sorrow/hopefullness/insite. Well know one is ever serious anymore. You know you think about it. That lost love, or that horrible thing you did. It's your first thought of the day. It's also that thought that tags along with you waiting for that moment; when you have spare time to yourself to feed on you. You often find yourself zoned out...lost in you thoughts. So that’s why I have these posted. Sometimes we just have to stop running from our problems. And some us have to just move on. Why dread the past. The past sucks....it's just memories. The great thing is you could move and make more of those. Don't dread because your just wasting more time.

Today I was worried about what will become of me. I use to have another dreadful thought that tag along with me. But now this one has peaked my interest. Anyways I found myself talking to Rita....the middle age woman who works at Rita's. Talking about what's been bothering me. It was good. Not weird...well at first but it turn out to be very insightful conversation . I went home afterwards feeling a little better about the future. Life comes at us so fast that we sometimes miss our stop. We're all so busy with School, Work, Family, Homework, More Work, Friends, then the second string of Friends, and Work, Then time for yourself. Sometimes we're moving so fast we don't even realize the good times going bye-- and when you do it's too late. So if your ready to to be serious look at these quotes a see which one you are....and just think where do you stand....do stand with it (problem) or in front of it ready to face it. Take time don't rush you might trip and fall.

“And it's me who is my enemy, me who beats me up, me who makes the monsters, me who strips my confidence, and it's me who is to weak, and it's me who is too shy to ask for the thing I love."

”There's so much I had to say I know the words I left behind
And now I'm caught in a daydream with nowhere to run and hide
The world rushes by me, it's leaving me here all alone” ~Alanis Morisette Rain

”Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?" --Mary Manin Morrissey

"I don't understand
And I look up and around me
As if my surroundings would tell me the answers
The wind whisper it in my ear
The stars twinkle it in morse code
I catch myself
Silly to think I could find any answers
Any reasons for what happens in this life
I don't understand "

"It always seems just as soon as things are going good..just as soon as life takes a turn for the best...everything goes wrong...gets lost, confused and all messed up... and then you crash... and just have to sit there, cause you dont have the strength to get up"

"Stranger than your sympathy, take these things so I don't feel, I'm killin myself from the inside out, now my heads been filled with doubt. I wasn't all the things I tried to make believe I was, & I wouldn't be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted, & all the talk & all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me, stranger than your sympathy"

Currently Listening Silent Alarm Remixed By Bloc Party Blue Light see related

Sorry....yeah right

It's so awesome how know one is on this website anymore. Anyways whats new. Well here's my life I feel like I don't know myself...lol...nothing new. I want to be nice, but for some reason I never am. When did I become this way. So cold and mean. It's funny I really do care about people, and yet when they are hurt I turn my back to them. Is it school, or my friends that turn me into this. Or maybe it was just the true me.

Any-who life is fast aproching on me. Soon college will begian. And soon highschool will just be a bad memory and the nightmare will finally be over. what is to become of me. Will power and wealth be in my future or will I be that dead beat who still come to PVHS games. Who knows. Where will my friends be....and my family?

I guess I can't have the answer to everything. It is so funny watching people growing up. I saw Brooke and Dana and they're so grown up. I'm so proud of them. There still my little sis's in my heart , even though I'm dick. don't tell them though. I can't have people know that I have favorites...lol. I remember when....nm. Well, where does time go?

Also the play starts soon. I'm not sure if I should try out. there is no parts for me. Why bother. Mrs.P won't pick me cuz I'm brown and have a fro. So why try.

I wonder where I'm going to be at the end of this school year......

Currently Listening Maximum Nickleback By Nickelback see related

It's so werid how you often find yourself thinking about the samething all the time. Usually it about the thing that hurts the most. But everyday I find myself thinking about her...I try not to, but I do. Maybe I'm still human. It sucks because I didnt spend a lot of time with her because of work and now I kind of regrete that. Everytime I try to talk to her I say the wrong thing and everytime I'm around her I don' t know how to act. She's means a lot to me as a friend but I also have feelings that are more then that. I think about all the good times we did have...lol the best time is when it's 2 am I and I find myself awake watching boy meets world. She would always be at my house laying in my bed why we cuddle....sometimes I would fall asleep. But everytime I find myself I wake at that time I seem to change the chanel.

Sometimes when I'm with other girls I think about her. Like maybe we still have a chance...yeah I know how pathetic, but I know it's over. Well, I do like someone, but ....ehh, nevermind I'll fly solo for awhile. Who am I kidding...lol.

So, everyday I find myself thinking about the same thing. And right before I finish thinking I say to myself why are you still thinking about it.....and yet everytime I don't have an answer.

I was thinking today about me. Thinking about what makes me…me. And I thought of nothing. I mean I have nothing special to divide me from anyone. I change all the time. Well my personality changes all the time. I can’t tell which one is me. Every time I hang out with a different group my personality changes…it adapts to my surrounding environment. It makes you think what your purpose is? Everyone has some kind of gift to make them special, something that they are great at and I don’t have that….that ability, that skill, or gift.

Even when I think about it I really don’t think anything about is true, my hate, my love, my personality, and even my friends. When I look into the mirror all I see is an image, that’s all. An image is basically a shadow. A shadow mimics your movements; it only exists by sun light in other words it depends on something else to give it life. A shadow has no heart, no soul, and no purpose.

Where does that leave me besides lost and hopeless.